Welcome to “Mysteries of Science—Revealed,” a new occasional feature exploring the latest mind-boggling phenomena, such as why it took ABC so long to cancel All My Children.

With the start of the new school year, as a salute to students and teachers everywhere, we present “Science Fair Projects: Just the FAQs.”

Q: For my project, could I ask a question like, “Who invented yogurt?”

A: Good start! But that’s not so much a “who” question as a “how” question. Scientists believe yogurt was invented more than 2,000 years ago in the eastern Mediterranean after a coffee break when somebody left a carton of half-and-half out.

Q: So I could research how yogurt is made?

A. Certainly. Yogurt can be made from milk from almost any mammal, including goats, sheep, camels, and yaks, according to Wikipedia—so don’t use that in your bibliography.

Q: I could write about where in the world it comes from?

A: Yes. And in addition to yogurt, Asian and Middle Eastern cultures also brought the West paper and ink, gunpowder, mathematics, chemistry, fabrics, dyes, fragrances, medicines, metallurgy, astronomy, chess, tea, spices, airport strip searches, and about nine different flavors of hummus.

Q: What’s the best way to win a first prize with my science fair project?

A: Studies have shown that the best way is to ask Dad or Mom to get their staff down at the plant to design and build a working model thermoplasmic induction coil reactor that demonstrates the Pauli exclusion principle in the conservation of angular momentum of Higgs bosons.

Q: But what if I’m interested in just studying the germs on a dollar bill?

A: OK, kid, how about if you just make a space helmet out of a dry cleaning bag?

Q: Or how about proving that human beings can learn to co-exist peacefully?

A:  Unfortunately, science fair projects can not be based on science fiction.

Q: OK. Then can I just grow Sea-Monkeys?